We don’t even speak Chinese and we know this is a bad sign!
Richard Gere, Thank you for the hours of laughs and jokes at your expense and the expense of the poor gerbils. They are after all the real victims here. In our research we have discovered there are a few people out there who have invented snorkels for your little furry friends. We highly suggest you invest in the snorkels. The poor little guys deserve a fighting chance. 🙂
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America , Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as ‘HILLBILLIES.’
You must now refer to them as
APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS. And furthermore…
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a ‘BABE’ or a ‘CHICK’ – She is a ‘BREASTED AMERICAN. ‘
2. She is not ‘EASY’ – She is ‘HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE..’
3. She is not a ‘DUMB BLONDE’ – She is a ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY..’
4. She has not ‘BEEN AROUND’ – She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’
5. She does not ‘NAG’ you – She becomes ‘VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’
6. She is not a ‘TWO-BIT HOOKER’ – She is a ‘LOW COST PROVIDER.’
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’ – He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’
2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’ – He is ‘OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’
3.. He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’ – HE ‘INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.’
4. He is not ‘BALDING’ – He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’
5. He does not act like a ‘TOTAL ASS’ – He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
6. It’s not his ‘CRACK’ you see hanging out of his pants – It’s ‘TROUSER CLEAVAGE..’
XOXO – Poinsettia
Alabama • It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
Alaska • Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time.
Arizona • It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.
Arkansas • A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.
California • It is illegal to eat an orange in your bath tub
Colorado • In Denver, it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next door neighbor.
Connecticut • In Connecticut any dogs with tattoos must be reported to the police.
Delaware • In Delaware you may not sell dead people for money without a license.
Florida • In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays may be jailed.
Georgia • It is illegal to say “Oh, Boy” in Jonesboro.(uh… 1st amendment)
Hawaii • You will be fined if you do not own a boat.
Idaho • You may not fish on a camel’s back.
Illinois • It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
Indiana • Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.
Iowa • One-armed piano players must perform for free. (What???)
Kansas • Russell: Musical car horns are banned
Kentucky • It is illegal in Kentucky to marry the same man more than 3 times.
Louisiana • It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
Maine • Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.
Maryland • In Baltimore it is illegal to mistreat oysters.
Massachusetts • Bullets may not be used as currency.
Michigan • A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.
Minnisota • It is illegal to sleep naked.
Mississippi • In Oxford, Miss., it’s illegal to “create unnecessary noises.”
Missouri • Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
Montana • It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
Nebraska • A man is not allowed to run around with a shaved chest.
Nevada • A man is not allowed to run around with a shaved chest.
New Hampshire • On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up.
New Jersey • It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
New Mexico • It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public
New York • It is illegal to jump off the Empire State building.
North Carolina • Barber: Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.
North Dakota • It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
Ohio • In ohio it is illegal to run out of gas. (Bush is causing me to break the law)
Oklahoma • It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.
Oregon • One may not box with a kangaroo.
Pennsylvainia • It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.
Rhode Island • You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.
South Carolina • It is legal to beat your wife on a Sunday morning on the steps of the state house.
South Dakota • It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
Tennessee • It is illegal to catch a fish with a lasso.
Texas • There is an old law in Texas that states you are unable to tuck your pants into one boot unless you own ten or more cattle.
Utah • Logan: Women may not swear.
Vermont • In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
Virginia • There was once a law in Salem Virginia that made it illegal to leave home without knowing where you were going.
Washington • Wilbur: You may not ride an ugly horse.
West Virginia • Road Kill may be taken home for supper.
Wisconsin • It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.
Wyoming • It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking.
Enjoy xoxo Korbel